Invisible Wounds by Matthew Troyer
Invisible Wounds is a series of portraits and audio interviews highlighting veterans and their stories of time spent deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan in support of Operation Iraqi and Operation Enduring Freedom. The veterans shown suffered traumatic brain injuries as a result of blast exposure during combat operations. These veterans, who are no longer actively serving, live and work within your communities. You may see them and never be aware of their injuries. There may not be any burns, scars, missing limbs, or other visible markers to separate them from anyone else you see. Their struggle is hidden, but it is one they will carry with them forever.
"The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) defines a traumatic brain injury (TBI) as "a disruption in the normal function of the brain that can be caused by a bump, blow, or jolt to the head, or penetrating head injury." Individuals can experience a TBI through everyday activities like playing contact sports, being involved in a car accident, or falling and striking their head. Military service members and Veterans are also at risk of brain injury from explosions experienced during combat or training exercises."
"Due to improved diagnostics and increased vigilance, there are now more accurate statistics on military TBI rates. The Defense and Veterans Brain Injury Center (DVBIC) reported nearly 414,000 TBIs among U.S. service members worldwide between 2000 and late 2019. More than 185,000 Veterans who use VA for their health care have been diagnosed with at least one TBI."
"Conditions stemming from TBI can range from headaches, irritability, and sleep disorders to memory problems, slower thinking, and depression. These conditions often lead to long-term mental and physical health problems that can impair Veterans' employment, family relationships, and reintegration into home communities." - Department of Veteran Affairs
The following is Joshua Thomas Bray’s story.
“So, I deployed to Talil Air Force Base in Iraq in 2006, from February to June. So, when we got there and we got divided up. I went to Bravo flight and the four of us who were Mark 19 certified, which the Mark 19 was an automatic grenade launcher and its 75 pounds, and it goes on top of your turret right? You mount it up to your turret, and it is a bad motherfucker. I called mine Baby Ruthless. It was weird, man.
We're out there and I'm on a Romeo unit. The Romeo units were two Humvees, right? [and] This is back in the day when these Humvees were barely even armored, you had, the most you had if you were a turret gunner were like a half cone of turret walls. [and] Then this rickety system to mount your weapon to. Otherwise, like some of the window's work, some of them didn't, you know, so you couldn't pull them up, or they were stuck in a certain position. But these patrols, they would be 10 people.
So, you got your two turret gunners, you got your driver and then the three extra in the back. One of those is a 203 gunner, which I was also certified on. Their job is just to cause deterrence. [and] As we're patrolling through one of the sectors, there's this group of individuals, and they're wearing all black. [and] It made me want to watch them because one of our reports was that the JAM wears black with gold ropes.
The JAM was associated with a terrorist group that was inside Nasiriyah, and there were like four or five of these people. They're all huddled together. [and] Where we're going almost all the time when you're off the hardtop, you're in an area that's surrounded by wadis, most of the time. [and] I'm watching these people and they're watching us, you know, I'm already red flagging and I'm like, “This is strange. It seems unusual”. So, we started to pull up towards this wadi, and I guess we're getting ready to go over but I start to swivel around when this happens. [and] I see that they start coming after us and they're shooting. [and] as soon as that started happening, I yell out, you know, “Contact right”. Next thing you know, the reposition is coming up and I feel my feet coming out. We had no straps and nothing holding you down inside the turret.
Two weeks prior to this happening one of our dudes almost got fucking smushed. Loose terrain crumbled underneath, caused the Humvee to start sliding, and he decided to jump out. [and] It was good because as soon as he did, the axle broke, and it just fell down flat and started to roll. [and] He jumped out of the way before it rolled on top of him. So, they’d started doing this maneuver, we would go before we’d go out, the people in the back would pull you down. That's exactly what happened.
I'm coming up and they just grabbed me. I could feel them. That's kind of last thing I really felt before I got concussed. But I just started smacking against the walls, the half walls. [and] I just remember kind of seeing a blur and my head hitting something and I was out. Next thing I know, I'm awake, but it's like, I can't really remember now, whether those memories are because I've had this conversation with those people so many times and I can put the pieces together or if they're really my memories.
But, I do remember kind of getting back on base and go into the doc-in-a-box and being cohesive enough to hear them say, “Oh, if he can't do it as a Mark 19 gunner, we're just going to put him on the gate.” They wanted to fly me out to Baghdad that day, but they were under attack. So, I got put on a watch. The next day. I came back. Sergeant Herman was there and he was like, “Hey, man, we're going to put you on a QRF.” [and] I spent the next three days just chilling as a Quick Response Force member in case something happened.
[and] After that, it just kind of all went away. I didn't end up going to the gates. They just kind of put me back out on the field and let me do my thing to see how I would react and I got a couple of weeks into it. [and] Next thing I know I had to go home because my wife had a heart attack. [and] Then that's when the shit really started to kick off.”